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My Best Friends Wedding

Filed under: Bollywood Funnies

The Abhishek Aishwarya marriage has been one helluva hyped and over publicised wedding of all times. The news channels, news papers, magazines were covering this event 24/7 and it appeared that no other important stuff was happening in India. Even movietonic covered the wedding extensively. You could check out movietonic’s coverage of the wedding here.

Abhijeet, a friend and a newbie blogger writes a rather comic narration of the Ash – Abhishek wedding drama and adds some Bollywood drama and doses it with a lot of humor, to provide you with a dish that’s yummy. Check out Abhijeet’s fictionalised Bollywood style narration of the Aishwarya Abhishek wedding. Be ready to laugh yourself out !!!!

It seems that the most famous wedding of Tinsel town for the current generation was a total farce. The real Abhi-Aish wedding was a far cry from reality. The glimpses of what one got to see on the television were actually that of a mega block buster being shot in the Bandra-Juhu locality. Inside sources reveal the following storyline……

Ash’s family arranges an Abhishek Bachchan for their glorious girl. The family sings a lot of songs and amidst distribution of Laddoos the couple exchange their rings. As the Bollywood brat (our own Sallu bhai) learns this, he starts towards the place where his one time girl friend is being married against her will. While he is on his way he encounters a certain Vi‘weak’ Abbe-roye who is apparently holding a press conference in the middle of the road. Seeing this Sallu bhai first takes of his shirt and immediately some thirty forty Monas, Tinas, Chamelis sprout from nowhere and a dance sequence begins. All of them mysteriously synchronizing their steps with Sallu. Sallu Bhai does a nice jig which involves a Ring-a Ring-a roses around Vi‘weak’ Bhai.

Towards the end of the songsomeone comes and whispers into Sallu bhai’s ears and reminds him that he is supposed to be on his way to win his beau. Sallu laughs out loudly and says ….”Sallu khush Hua” and takes off his pearl chain and flings it at the messenger. The messenger starts screaming “Maharaj Sallu ki jai.. Maharaj Sallu amar rahe.Maharaj Sallu ki jai”

Ash-Abhi Honeymoon Journey Photo

A tapori gets Sallu his Fighting T-Shirt Armour, Sallu wears it and promptly tears it….. Sallu then does a lot of bamboo and brick bashing… whacking the Babban Bhendis,Taklu Haiwans,Chiknya Mucchads, Irfan Khajurs, Barkya Ganpats, Lukda Roberts, and Pervez Bombils….. Then he turns his sight on the Abbe-roye ke Khaandaan ka Chiraag -not once.. not twice but a total of 3 times…. ( ekdummmm Saas bhi kabhi Bahu thi issshtyle) Dhishumm Bhishuummm. Suddenly there is rain and loads of people watching the fight scene, which has now moved to the dhobi ghat. As usual Sallu bhai gets thrashed reeeeeeeeel bad. Abbe-roye ka one kick send him crashing into one of the brick shops…… where mysteriously he finds a Dainik Jhagran Newspaper with a background music of “Jhagran jhagran.. jhagran.. jhagran” happening…. the temple bells start ringing and Sallu bhai screams murder…..and thrashes Oberoi ka chiraag with only his bare head. Vi’weak’ is unable to find an answer to these pyrotechnics. All this is being beamed live thru different angles by Toto Sky so that Aish can watch this. She feels the love gripping her in an emotional turmoil . Bottom line… Vi’weak’ bhaiiya loses the election…. :)

In a final showdown Sallu goes over Viweak & forcibly makes him drink a pepsi-cide. As he is about to drain the bottle he suddenly hears a “Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”….. Sallu’s mother moves into the picture and pleads with her son not to taint his hands in blood. She points out that chinese Policeman- Long handed Kaa Noon will take care of that. As she is saying this Wicked Viweak takes out his gun to shoot. Sallu’s Mom manages to watch this move in a strategically placed rear view mirror of a Maruti 800 and before Kaa-Noon can do anything about it she moves in intercept the advancing bullet….. in a fit of anger Sallu hails himself on Viweak (matrix isshtyle)… 5 bullets are fired by Viweak ( 6 in a cartridge right?? One wasted on the mother so…… 5 left… this is why they test Data interpretation in CAT) Sallu dodges 4 but one hits his biceps. Sallu’s snatches the gun from Viweak and shoots.. but click click… ( Sallu never cleared DI ka cut off) …. As he looks frustrated .. a one Suresh Kalmadi ……( who is present in selector capacity in the crowd to hunt for raw talent since Olympics are drawing closer)….. flings a gun at Sallu who hits bang in the centre of Viweak’s head. Sallu hands the gun to Suresh (who is beaming with joy that he has unearthed a gold medal talent) and asks him to go to his mother. Sallu rushes over to his mother “ Beta mere bahu ko meri taraf se ye Visa Card de dena…Go get her… “ and lays down her life…. Sallu crying.. Villagers* looking…..

Next shot….Smashan ghat. As our gladiator lights the funeral he falls down cos of his bleeding n exhaustion …… enough to send him to Lilavati . He watches the news of Ash’s marriage from his hospital bed, as Ash leaves for the airport, hubby in tow.

With an injured hand, Sallu bhai jumps from the 10 storeyed hospital right onto a passing Tata Safari…his resolve to reclaim his life becomes stronger……Wa ka ka kaaaaaaaaaa …….Salman ejects the driver and takes off ….. running over three persons on the pavement en route…. Somehow Mumbai Police (or the tiger clan) is always on the alert whenever a Lover takes fancy to meet his girlfriend…. and hence it was no suprise when they actually catch up on him ….. Sallu explains his love story . Our friendly neighbourhood cop Kaa-Noon realises that this is a matter of the heart and decides to bail him out … He picks up his Bullet and with our hero dodges potholes and tricky traffic of ”Barathis” and Fly overs…

Sallu finally reaches the airport, and with tears in his eyes he looks at Kaa- Noon.. who tells him “mein baki sambhal loonga” . Sallu does not require a Ticket to enter the terminal area…. Flouting all the possible security measures Sallu runs on… He hears that the Air Deccan – 420 flying non stop to California is ready for take off from gate number 2 which happens to be exactly at a diaganol end from where he stands… In slow motion Sallu bhai jumps over bags and trolleys sliding below counters to reach Gate No 2…. But Alas he can only helplessly press his face to the glass window to see the plane take off. As he turns to leave, Sallu feels an arm over his shoulder…. Abhishek Bacchan hands over Ash to him and says, ” Tere Naam” The entire Public ( paid @ 20/-) starts clapping instantly for this great gesture and Abhishek immediately takes out his cell and calls up his Dad and says “You hear that Dad… they are just clapping for me like Hijdas.. but we all know whom they r clapping for isnt it??

Check out Abhijeet’s blog for more of his humorous articles.

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1 Comment »

  1. Pingback by Video : Aishwarya Rai On Pink Panther Set

    [...] it is time to see an exclusive video between the Bollywood couple Ash and Abhishek on the sets of Pink Panther. The two seem happily [...]

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