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Anurag Kashyap — “Shakalaka Fuck Fuck”

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Don’t blame me for the explectives used for the title of this post. Blame Anurag Kashyap for it. He is the one who has written the dialogues for this week’s release Shakalaka Boom Boom.

Anurag Kashyap a man associated with directing perhaps this year’s best movie Black Friday, could go to such an extent of abysmal dialogue writing. Anurag Kashyap speaks about the forgetable Shakalaka journey and apologises to all his fans in this rather hilarious article. Only if Kashyap would have used similar writing skills for Shakalaka Boom Boom then perhaps we would have heard some good dialogues on the silver screen.
Nowhere to hide. I can’t even say it was another Anurag Kashyap. The only other Anurag Kashyap is a 13 year old spelling bee champion. Too much of a mozart to be a part of this Himesh ensemble. The joke is on me, i didn’t even get paid enough for this creative nadir. The cheques stopped coming way back. So can’t even say i was paid a lot because no lot is a lot for it. What was i thinking, was i thinking?

Anurag Kashyap

Anywhere i go they have this strangest smile on there face and i wonder are they thinking Shakespeare or they are just happy. Most of them just look at me and say, hmmmm Shaka laka. Worst is every time the promos come on air my daughter calls out to my maid and says,”Shamsu..papa ki picture” and i try and tell her don’t say it out loud. I hope she doesn’t tell her friends in school..or her teacher, or her school bus driver. I am in that music video right now where everyone is looking into the camera and is just smiling. They are not shocked, they knew it, they were waiting and they are actually carrying bouquets for the camera and guess who is the camera And i am wondering was this a conspiracy. It would be so much easier to deal with if it wa. Suneel Darshan pay me a crore..hope i learn my lesson..

Saturday after the film came out, i woke up early to read the reviews and they called it everything from “its so bad its a masterpiece” to not bothering to say anything. I hope i could say it was my grindhouse. Why did i do it. I wasn’t even so desperate for it or for money.I ignored all the warning signs.

I can talk about all the rewriting that went on in my absence but was it a classic to begin with, no..two musicians in the Suneel Darshan world calling themselves genius and everybody around them believing they were geniuses. And what have they to show for their musical genes. The worst of Himesh Reshammiya. Have i learnt from it……i hope so.  I was expecting to be ripped apart on PFC..but nobody bothered..it can’t be that bad..or is everybody being kind to one of their own. Do i bloody deserve to be called a “their own” . I am  looking desperately for someone to blame it on, but can’t find anyone except my vastu, fengshui and numerilogical errors. Yes, the actual dialogues were written by Aaaanurrraaag Kaaasshyap.

Man, when they called it Shakalaka Boom Boom and said Rahul Nanda thinks the title will look good on the posters and all went YEAAAH, i should have walked out then. But one has to understand, like Leonidas says,”No retreat no surrender”. The Xerxes and his army of immortals has got me,  i actually stayed on. Please somebody tell me i was brave. Tell me i was preparing for glory and not whorey. But then did i take so much interest in the film when it was going on….. NO.. was i there to tell them where everyone was going wrong.. NO…did i fight for it… NO… did i care.. NO.Well..when you don’t care then this is what you get baby.

Commercial or not, when you make a choice you gotta care and i didn’t. I didn’t bother. When they called me, i went. What they asked me to write, i wrote. I did not add anything to it. So all i can say for it is I AM SORRY and that is not enough. All i can say is never again..

Gawd… I wasn’t even bloody cynical when i said yes. All my friends were there to tell me why was i doing it and i just mumbled “you know”. Before anyone says it to me i break out with an apology….”sorry boss”. Rajesh Pandey koh toh kone mein le jaa kar maroonga, baaki ka kya karoon..

Moral of the story- next time one does something like it make sure the fees is fifty lacs without credit…. better still Mr. Kashyap, avoid…you don’t need it anymore..

So alll those who did read this article by Anurag Kashyap must have surely enjoyed the scarcasm and humor of Anurag. I for one, admire Anurag’s  courage to call a spade a spade. And to apologies for his mistakes to the audiences. That shows that Mr. Anurag Kashyap sure cares about his audiences opinion. So for all that “Maaf Kar Diya Aapko Anuragji’. And please Anurag even if you are offereda crore next time, no Shakalaka.

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  1. Pingback by Celebrity Chat With Kangna Ranaut

    [...] performance in Gangster folowed by roles in Woh Lamhe. She received flak for her performance in Shaka Laka Boom Boom but came back with a bang with her role in Life In A [...]

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